It’s taken me almost a week now to put together the thoughts and words for this post and, although I am not 100% satisfied with what I’ve written, I cannot put it off any longer. It’s time for me let each of you know. We said goodbye to Bandit last Sunday, March 8th. Dr. L came to our house and it was very peaceful. I picked up his cremated remains from French's Mortuary/Best Friends on Wednesday and, although the one thing I want most is for him to still be here to kiss and love on, he's "home" and his body is finally free from that stupid tumor. I feel comfort in knowing these two things and, now that his remains have been returned and are back home safe with me, I feel like my little dog family is whole again and that makes me happy.
Dan and I are not the most perfect or best qualified nurses around, but we gave it our all and did the best we could with our limited knowledge and experience. Despite the lack of sleep and the frustrations of fighting a losing battle against Bandit’s cancer, we were attentive to our furry friend’s needs and kept him comfortable, making sure he was warm, clean, well fed, hydrated, and pottying every 8 hours. Dan and I each took time off from work to be by Bandit’s side 24/7 after his diagnosis and continued to take Bandit to therapy twice a week all the way up until Friday (more for a check-up and a nice bath that last week, but he still went to therapy and the mental stimulation from getting out and about was a reward in itself). In the end, Dan and I took turns sleeping on the floor next to Bandit at night, just so he knew we were there and within arm’s reach. I told Bandit stories about when he and Scout were little and how much I loved him and enjoyed his company. I am thankful for having been able to take the past two weeks off from work to care for my four-legged friend. It was time well spent and, most of all, it was good for my heart.
Despite our best efforts, the time had come for us to make the difficult, heart-wrenching decision to say goodbye. I had spent countless hours snuggled up with Bandit on the floor, praying, giving thanks, and running my fingers through his thick speckled hair and I could see that he was getting weaker and weaker each day. He was still very alert and not in any pain, but his muscles could no longer support the weight of his 45 pound body and he was unable to walk on his own or lift his head up from his pillow. It was then that everything fell into place. Dr. L called me at home on Thursday to check in on Bandit. I told her that I had been putting off calling her and she said that she knew I would have a hard time making that last call to her office; that’s why she called me, instead of waiting for me to call her. She agreed to come to our house on Sunday, after her shift at the clinic. I had not yet made arrangements with Best Friends. Yvonne, the woman I had spoken to at Best Friends five weeks earlier, was out of the office and scheduled to have surgery on her hand the next morning (Friday). Dr. L said not to worry and that she would just plan to take Bandit back to her office on Sunday and that Best Friends could pick up his body on Monday, if need be. Oddly enough, I met Yvonne and learned about Best Friends a year or so ago at a stamp/card making workshop. My friend Roberta had brought Yvonne along as a guest. Out of desperation Friday afternoon, I called Roberta and, believe it or not, she tracked down Yvonne who immediately agreed to meet me, with bandaged hand and straight out of surgery, at her offices to finalize the arrangements. I truly believe, in my heart of hearts, that God’s hand guided these events, easing my worries and making it possible for me to focus on my last few days with Bandit.
From the comfort of our queen size bed, our family of six watched the sun rise up and over the Sandia Mountains early Sunday morning. Shortly after breakfast, Dan took Daisy and Darby to my parents’ house and Scout, Bandit, Dan, and I set out for a nice long walk along the Bosque. It was a beautiful day and Bandit was the happiest I’d seen him in a long time. His nose was busy sniffing the air and he was barking and wagging his tail, giving the best tail wags he could possibly give from inside his blue stroller.
On our way home from the Bosque, we decided to do something different. It had been quite a while since Bandit had been able to hang his head out the car window and feel the wind on his face, so Dan carefully placed him in my lap and we drove. We drove into Rio Rancho, across Golf Course Road, and up and down Paseo del Norte , twice, before heading home. As I held him in my arms, stroking the fur around his neck and shoulders and giving him soft little kisses on his floppy black ears, he let out a few big sighs and flipped his tail a time or two, just to let me know he was content. As I watched him in the side mirror, I could see that Bandit had a huge smile on his face and that he was very much enjoying this last car ride with us. We could have driven up and down Paseo all day, but that was not meant to be. Instead, we headed home for a mid-day snack. All week, Bandit had been having extra special meals, some with turkey, rice, and mashed potatoes; some with turkey, rice, and cooked carrots; and some with turkey, rice, and macaroni and cheese. Sunday was no different, except this time it included dessert! Frosty Paws ice cream! With full tummies, the four of us retreated into the bedroom and back to the queen sized bed where I had placed blanket upon blanket to create a nice, soft spot for my baby to lay and rest his head. As we lay there together, I began to massage Bandit’s entire body and talk to him. As tears rolled down my cheeks, I told him that I loved him, that I wished we could have done more for him, and that he would be missed and never forgotten.
When Dr. L arrived to our house, she carefully explained what was about to happen and asked if I was ready. I wasn’t ready, I would never be ready, and could very well have told her "no" forever, but instead I answered, “We’ve had all day together. We watched the sunrise, we took a nice long walk, and went on one last car ride together. Soon he’ll be running and playing again.” With that, she began her work. Dan and I were at Bandit’s side the entire time, looking into his eyes and gently stroking the fur around his face and ears. With repeated I love yous and one more kiss upon his beloved head, I said goodbye to my dear little spotted friend.
